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2019: The Year of “What’s Next?”

Every new year, I come up with a phrase to guide me through the year. I’ve been doing it for almost a decade now and, honestly, it really has helped me so much. I definitely recommend it for everyone. In 2017, my phrase was “Me First” as I was deciding whether or not to get divorced and go out on my own for the first time in seven years. I was deciding whether or not to demand more for myself–demand respect, kindness, love. In 2018, my phrase was “It’s Okay” because I was now dealing with the aftermath of the divorce and all the grief that entailed. I was making mistakes all over the place and creating disasters in my life, but I wanted to remind myself to be kind to me because that’s okay. It’s okay to grieve and mess up and hit rock bottom.

Last year, I spent almost six months not writing a single word. I couldn’t sell a book contract to save my life. I had a string of meaningless one-night stands that made me feel cheap and worthless. I was still struggling with grieving and getting over my divorce, unable to really cut things off cold turkey with my ex-husband. I had a large group of friends that were full of drama and fake friends who didn’t really care about me for me and who ditched me the moment times got tough. I let people disrespect me and use me because I didn’t value me.

In 2019, my phrase is “What’s Next?”

Because I’ve hit rock bottom and I’m ready to start climbing. Something has snapped inside of me, and I’m just done. I’m done with crying. I’m done with wallowing. I’m done with wondering why this happened to me or why I had to go through the things I went through. Even more than that, I’m done with accepting less than I deserve because I’m lonely and sad. I’m done with dating men who don’t deserve me just because they gave me attention. I’m done with trusting friends who stab me in the back the moment I turn around. I’m done with giving my heart away to people who don’t value me for who I truly am.

Now, I’m currently writing a new book series that makes my heart soar with happiness. I have exciting new book contracts and news that I can’t wait to be able to announce. I am dating a ridiculously handsome man I love and adore who has been there for me for over a decade. I have a tight knit group of a few friends that I talk to every day and know I can always depend on. I have parents that love me and I talk to daily. I have a home I love and that makes me so happy to walk into every day. I have a job that makes me feel important and like I’m making a difference every day.

So, I’m focusing on what’s next. I’m focusing on what I want out of life, who is truly there for me, and where I’m going next. I’m focusing on my writing career, my counseling career, and making the most out of life. I’m focusing on new memories and experiencing new opportunities.

Because you know what’s next for me?

Happiness.

What’s next for you?

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